Monday, 19 May 2014

The Monster Next Door


Hey guys!

It's been a quiet few days here in Camden and I'm getting a little tired of all this fucking heat.

So I've been thinking about the job I do.

Well, I guess I should say one of the jobs I do. This job in question is my trouble shooting for The Company.

In the past 18 months or so I have seen a lot of trouble; Zeds, Wendigo, Mummies, Giant Bugs, Ghouls, Mindless Cultists, Vamps, Wolves, fuck! Even fucking super soldiers out of fucking Return to Castle Wolfenstein!

I got thinking; why am I so adept at it?

The average person thinks twice about killing something, very often even in a me versus them situation, but I never have.

You remember when I told you about the Surrey incident? While everyone else was trying to reason with the living dead, trying to see if there was anyone left in the rotting cranium who they could save? Hell by then I had already hacked into a secure firearms stash I knew of and liberated a few fire arms and shotguns and was already taking names like a boss!

I don't know if it was the fact that I had engineered back doors into the Force's security, pulling off the retrieval with my pizzazz, or perhaps the dispatching of those damned Zeds, but something I did attracted the attention of both The Company and the Bees.

Next thing I know my body becomes supercharged with hippy power and retroviruses engineered to make me super efficient at what strangely came naturally to me before.

Shit! I don't question what happened after then, I mean when you've had your metabolism boosted to a degree that you need to drink fizzy drinks to stop you burning out and all the time having a body that a CK model would be envious of... Fuck you just don't question that do you?

But I'm left thinking about what came before all of this...

Yes I built a back door into my Forces' security in the case I needed to, but why?

I mean who in their right mind gets a job with law enforcement and then goes about setting up contingencies in case they need access to fire arms, drugs, equipment and personal records? It's crazy!

Then you have the Surrey incident itself...

Now tell me, if you read in the local paper or saw on the local news about some dude attacking and eating some other dude, what would you think?

A sensible, logical person thinks it's someone junked up on PCP or something similar, they move on to the next news story and their lives is normally no different.

I read that same article, only difference was I was living down the road from where it happened. I had heard that shit go down the night before as it was loud, and I mean fucking loud!

All the same, what did I do? I activates my contingency plan! I went straight for HQ, accessed the gun cache, nabbed me some basic riot gear and ventured back into the madness!

Of course by then what the news was still downplaying as a riot against some youth centre being shut down or what not had turned into a fucking zombie invasion!

The fuckers were everywhere and if it wasn't for my stash I had nabbed there would have been a lot more casualties then there was.

But that doesn't really explain it does it? That doesn't explain why I did any of that shit or why it felt so natural to do so.


Fuck man! I mean I've seen a lot of stuff on TV, those criminal investigation program's where they follow some dude's psych profile to establish their motives and mental state. What if that's what's going on here?

I mean shit! What if the reason I built my contingency plan was because I knew that I needed to be prepared for this sort of crap?

What if I started firing when everyone else was cowering in fear was because I was doing what I was built to do?

What if underneath it all I'm just a stone cold killer? A psychopath willing to do anything and everything to get what I want?

Hell, that sounds to me like the perfect recruit for The Company! Someone who will put a bullet through your eyes just as soon as smile at you...


No that can't be... If it was then how would anyone explain Her... No that can't be it...


I dunno guys, I guess I'm just scared you know? What if the reason I was picked for all of this; be it by The Company or the Bees, is because when you strip away all the pretence I'm actually no different to what I hunt, only I'm more malleable...

Who knows, maybe in years to come someone will have to put an anima bullet through my brain as well...

Still... We'll always have Venice...

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Urban Legends


Hey guys!

Ok so how many of you have heard of Urban Legends?

No not the piece of shit film, the legends themselves?

There are plenty out there:

The woman being chased in her car by someone who she thinks is trying to hurt her, only to find out he was trying to warn her about a dude with an axe hiding in her back seat.

The baby crocodile that was flushed down the toilet and now lives down there growing to a huge size because of all the toxic chemicals.

The phone call threatening the babysitter's life only she finds out that the call came from inside the house.

The old woman who gets her hand licked by her cat during the night, however she goes to the bathroom and finds her cat dead and bloody in the shower, so what was licking her hand?

These are all examples of urban legends and for the most part they are completely false.

I mean just think about it, whenever you hear about them who does the storyteller say it happened to? It's never them! It's never even a close personal friend!

No it's a friend of a friend of a friend of a fucking friend!

Maybe at the most it's 'a room mate my sister once had'. Either way it is not a qualitative source.

Why is this? Well I've already told you. Because it's always bullshit!

And yet despite this we still tell these stories. Why?

One reason might be because of the plausibility.

We hear about a dude with an axe, we think that it's possible that could happen.

We hear about a dude killing a cat and hiding under a bed. Again that's not impossible!

Fuck! Even crocodiles are real, and it wasn't that long ago we were getting all sorts of fucked up reports of two headed sheep out of Chenoble.

Today is the age of the urban legends as these stories replace the ghost stories of old. Rewind a good 30, maybe 50 years ago and everyone had heard of people like MR James. They were the Steven King or even the JK Rowling of their days, but nowerdays all people seem to be interested in are those fucking sparkling shits and the crazy knife dudes.

I won't lie, there are crazy knife dudes out there and on more than one occasion I've had the fortunate task of putting them out of their madness-induced misery but other than the occasional mad doctor and crazy inbred family, these have been few and far between.

What's strange? You investigate the haunted legends; the houses that are crippled by the spirits of the victims of horrible murders and what not, now they very often turn out to be real.

Yeah I know how it sounds, and sure the truth is often twisted a little to make it more entertaining for the audience, but it's there if you look for it.

It's almost ironic really, where we used to tell tales of the aftermath of horrific murders, now we tell tales of the murders themselves.

Maybe there's something to that...

Friday, 9 May 2014

Discussion Point: Lovecraft

>>>>>>>>OPEN CAGE
>>>>>>>>GOOD BOY

Hey guys!

So I wanted to see if I can open a dialogue with you all today around the subject of HP Lovecraft.

So I've seen a lot of strange things, creatures that do appear to be almost fish like in appearance, shit I'm pretty sure their colloquial designation is Deep Ones, just like the sort of shit you wold find in a Lovecraft novel.

So this got me briefly wondering.

They say that Mary Shelly wrote Frankenstein after having a particular vivid dream about some dude struggling with his own homsexual urges.

I'm not sure how much I agree with this theory but it makes me wonder; what is HP Lovecraft was the same? What if he was someone who was touched by the darkness out there and put what he saw down onto paper?

Honestly, I have no idea either way. I know that like the characters in his stories I have been to the mountains of madness and seen all manner of horror there, but as most are aware; correlation does not prove causation.

I mean for all we know Livecraft was the hand, while someone else acted as the voice, telling him what to write.

Fuck, it could just be a massive coincidence!

I know what I would like to think; that he looked into the abyss and he saw the darkness out there. Sure he may have taken a few liberties here and there, but what writer doesn't? And after all, wanting something to be true is a far flung difference from actually being true.

Wednesday, 7 May 2014



iT has coME TO our attenTIon thaT THIS user hAs been ATTEMPTING to unveIL faLse INformaTion re:[ZERO POINT PATHOGEN].

AlL iNFoRmation unveiled THIS wAY is fAlSe.

we are HerE to provIDE the TRuth.


i aM [THE EYE]. YoUR FRiend ComPUteR iN a WORLD of [LIES]


that is ALL.

ANy fURThEr aTTEMpt to rEleASE faLSe INfoRMatIOn will rESULT in IMMEDIATe Q&A investigation.


[THE EYE] wiLL coNTinue To MONitor tHIS FEEd anD ALl viOLATions wILl be rEPORted baCK to [SPECIAL OPERATIONS].

AS a show OF GooDFaiTH plEASe [ACCEPT] thiS GIft:




The Sparkling Supernatural


Hey guys!

I hope you all had a good bank holiday weekend?

I sure as hell did! Spent it running around Transylvania doing my best to translate Romanian to English.

Now keep it in mind that in I follow the immortal words of Bruce Willis:
I only speak two languages; English and Bad English
so trying to decipher old Romanian was not the easiest.

Anyway! It seems like this line is a little more stable than the last one which is good.

So I'd like to break down another wall if I may, reveal the truth and lay it out for all to see.

I am talking in this instance about Vampires.

Modern Hollywood would have you believe that they are all a gusty teenagers who want nothing more than to be loved for their sparkly skin and rainbow coloured ass cheeks!

Let me drop the veil on that one.

For once, none of it is real.

Twilight, Anne Rice, fucking Bram Stoker! It's all romantic shit!

So I've met vampires.

Yeah I know, it makes me sound crazy, but this is fucking real!

I've met them and I have killed them, but let me tell you it was not easy and they were most certainly not looking for love.

It seems there is a hierarchy, something about blood lines where Vamp 1 begat Vamp 2 and so on and so on. With each parenting that happens the potency of the vampire gets weaker, but at the same time the less self control they seem to have.

Modern fiction would have you believe that Vampires can to an extent control their urges, resist the need to feed.

Yes for some of the older vamps who are less generations removed from the progenitor of their species this is true and they can hold back on their need to feed, but this is like saying that I can hold back on my need to eat chocolate. Yes I can but like hell am I going to!

For the younger vampires, those with more diluted blood, the need is much stronger and when presented by a fresh beating human actually need in some cases to be physically restrained to stop themselves chewing down on the body.

Now tell me, just what sort of creature acts this way? Will put their own life and the lives of their entire species at risk just to eat a meal right there and then?

Fuck! Even dogs will move their food away from imminent danger to feed at a safer time and place.

Vampires do not!

Those who are caught up in a blood lust frenzy or are just too young or inexperienced to control themselves will stop at nothing to feed that very moment, even if they are under fire from heavy artillery.

Now tell me, what does that sound like to you?


Yes your average vampire is no more an eloquent gentlemen or Romeo than a disease ridden raccoon is, existing purely for the one function of spreading their virus!

Interesting to note that in both cases we are looking at transmission via bodily fluids.

Shit, I wonder if there's actually a connection here? Could rabies actually be a watered down version of the vampire virus?

What about shape shifters? Werewolves and their kin? Are these the hunky protectors of nature who transform from beast to man in an explosion of rainbow glitter?

Far from it!

As with vampires we are looking at a monster that is created via a virus, once again with the involvement of bodily fluids.

It's all pretty gross really...

In the case of werewolves, there is no will or control, they are as much a beast as their animal cousins. In fact despite killing countless numbers of their kind in the wild, I have only ever seen someone turn into a werewolf after being infected. I have never seen a werewolf turn into a human.

This leads me to think that they can not turn back, that the transformation from human into hulking brute of teeth, claws and fur is a purely one way deal.


Why do these books and films get made, and why are they so popular?

I can see two possibilities.

The first is it is staged propaganda, put out there by the Elder Vampires, or maybe another force all together to try and lull us into a sense of make believe.

Shit, if we all think that vampires are weedy, constipated looking boys then we will not bat an eyelid when some dude approaches us with a set of fangs, as we either dismiss it as someone in fancy dress, or maybe even think we're about to get whisked away on a fairy tale adventure of a lifetime.

Then there's the other possibility.

That we as a species need to feel on top of things. Vampires and Werewolves are both capable of killing us with a great ease. Normal weaponry does a piss poor job of stopping them meaning your average Joe who comes up against one of these monsters is pretty much shit out of luck.

But we don't like that do we? We want to believe that we're invincible and so we surround ourselves with state of the art security systems, sleeping with a Glock point nine five under out pillow telling ourselves that we are the ultimate bad ass!

So what do these stories do? They allow us to sit in our fantasies, pretending at least for the most part that we are invincible and that there is nothing that we can not stop.

We lie to ourselves.

So tell me, what is worse in this situation? The beast who exists to pass on it's virus, or the human who willingly lies to itself about the danger it and it's family is under just to try and retain the delusion of being an apex predator?

Friday, 2 May 2014

Memories of Childhood

Is this coming in?

Yeah I think I can see the bars spiking.

Ok we're good.

So how have you all been?

You know, the other day we were passing through an area of the Solomon Isles in New England that's known by The Company as 'The Savage Coast'.

Stupid name I know, sounds like what you'd call a game in a video game!

Anyway, while passing through I was briefly reminded of the time I spent there before and the nights we stayed in that ageless tree house shrouded in the mist high above the Akab nests.

If you ever get the chance to visit this region and if you can find him I strongly recommend you speak with Mr John Wolf...
...we back? Yeah ok.

Sorry this line doesn't seem very stable.

Now there's many reasons why you should meet this Wolf dude. Least of all is that his voice is like fucking honey! Seriously, I goaded him to keep talking just so I could hear those tones caressing my ears.

Anyway; John will tell you many things, but part of that will be the legends of that tree house in the woods and the kids who built it and to this very day maintain it.

Excuse me.

Well! This got me thinking about my own childhood, the things that as children we swore we saw:

The faefolk who danced at the bottom of the garden.

The monsters under the bed.

The... Fuck what did they call it? The green haired spaghetti monster!

I'm left wondering to myself; what if they were all real?

What if every single shadowed monster that we hid from under the covers was actually a real creature, and it's just the passage of age, or perhaps desensitisation that teaches you they are not real.

What is it they say? Ignorance is bliss?

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Evil's Hierarchy of Needs


Hello? Ok it's working.

Right, so what can I tell you about evil? I mean real-fucking-rip off your head-shit down your neck-evil here.

Well I can tell you that the books and the films got it all wrong.

How often have you read about evil being something demonic or monstrous?

Come on, a show of hands?

Exactly! Every fucking time!

There's a lot of that out there, that's why.

Be it Vamps, Werewolves, Wendigo or Zeds, they're all pretty fucking bad. But are any of them evil?

I guess I should first start by explaining what evil is.

I guess... shit where do I start?

Ok let me try it another way:

A lion kills a gazelle in the wild, is that evil?

A wolf kills a child to feed it's pack. Is that evil?

A man who due to mental illness is unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality and kills his family thinking them to be twisted monsters. Is that evil?

The answer to all the above is no. Enn fucking Oh!

Evil requires thought, deliberate action and responsibility.

A beast is not evil for fulfilling it's natural instinct and a crazy dude isn't evil when they are devoid of logical thought.

So what is evil? Have I ever seen it?


Have you ever been walking through a busy city, you've been following a map with music blaring in your ears? You turn a corner only to realise that you are not where the map says you should be? The hustle and bustle of the city is gone and all that remains is you, the alleyway and that strange smell you can never place?

Have you ever carried on down that alleyway? Seen where it takes you, or like the millions of others turn about and return to the rat-race?

If you had then you might have found the place I talk of now.

The Modern Prometheus.

Named after the antics of an infamous and fictional scientist this place is no different from a car chop-shop, other than the fact it deals in flesh and bone rather than aluminium and fibreglass.

From within this house of slaughter it's owner slices and cuts to his own agenda being aided by his own nursing staff each of who appears perfectly happy to assist as this barbarian removes organs and skin from decent folk who approached him for genuine medical needs but because of one reason or another; usually insurance, could not afford usual treatment.

So what makes this butcher evil? What sets him apart from the hundreds of wakos and beasts who are either too primal, stupid or insane to no any better?


Let me say that again...


This -man- is fully aware of what he does and why he does it, he is not misguided by imagined gods or driven by an inhuman desire. No he does what he does because he chooses to do it.

Excuse me.

So I'm calling this feed today Evil's Hierarchy of Needs. I'm sure I do not need to explain the pun in the title.

But I'm sure you are wondering what the hierarchy of needs is for evil itself. Just what drives them?

I wish it was simple; a base desire and instinct like hunger or safety, but it is not...

Well, not exactly.

For someone to be evil, to do bad things because they -want- to rather than need to, it requires all the other base needs to be filled.

Without these basic needs fulfilled they are not able to be self aware enough to actually be evil, instead they are just reactionary or insane.

But once these needs are filled, then they can begin their evil requirements.

I mentioned before that it is not hunger, but it does exhibit itself in a similar manner. Evil must indulge itself if able.

No matter the form it takes, a truly evil being must act evil once it is capable of doing so.


How do we go about stopping it?

Well we can shoot it in the head, that always seems to solve most problems.

But does it? Are we curing evil or just wrapping a bullet shaped plaster over it?

In order to cure evil you must first prevent it, not deal with it once it has raised it's fugly head.

My suggestion?

We use it's needs against it.

If a homeless, hungry and sick being can not be evil, then that is where we hit it!

We remove all health care and medical support that we have! We limit everyone to a single low calorie meal a day and we stick them all in housing shelters that provide them with not even the most basic of weather protection!

Before we know it we have eliminated all evil acts from the general populace!

But as with everything there is always a cost. In this case? By becoming evil ourselves...