Friday, 9 January 2015

New Years Resolutions


Hey guys!

So I guess I should start as is customary with a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yeah; fuck that.

Seriously; fuck that to hell.

So this year it turns out that a little birdy thought it would be hella funny to introduce a creeper virus into the company network, this virus which I've labelled MIRROR SHINE mainly because it's very existence annoys the shit out of me then proceeded to run rampant and send a shit-tonne of messages from both operative and handler mobiles, so if you got a text from the blue lady saying she wanted to give you a lap dance with a luminous flamingo and all you needed to do was give your bank details to the Nigerian lottery; yeah that's why.

Of course then my tech boss gets called in from leave and so she calls me in from the field to try and fix the total shit storm that MIRROR SHINE has caused.

Next thing I know I'm trying to explain to my field-boss that I need to go, despite the fact that I am 98% certain she wants me to explain my previous blog post to her, while my tech-boss is still sending me messages about taking the next port to NYC.

All the while my phone is getting intermittent messages from other operatives and a number that kept calling me Chuck and I have no idea how much is legit or sent via MIRROR SHINE.

Anyway, this all got me thinking about how I see my future.

So before all of this I was working tech support for a London based police force, right? Of course when the shit hit the fan about a year ago and the walls started to fucking bleed; literally. I decided to bug out and get the hours in with the company and my favourite boss. You know; figured making sure there was a London to police came tops over maintaining network security for said London police.

Well I was of course picked up by the company because of my skills during the Surrey incident but then when they saw my mad-leet-skills on a computer, the company gave me the side assignment of helping out my other boss Leah in keeping HQ all nice, snug, safe and secure.

Fucking great! How you going to turn that down when the job is all expenses paid?

Then this shit happens and I'm really not sure if it's all worth it.

I mean fuck me! I know I can't stop my operative work which in itself pays more than handsomely and there's no way I'd leave my boss Holly to deal with that shit by herself. But now I'm stuck dealing with Leah and she has a stick shoved so far up her ass it's sticking outta her nose!

Yes I know you are listening in to this Leah, you may be my boss inside the company but you know what? Fuck you!

Seriously, you give me shit on a 9-5 basis just because that girl from your LARPing group won't date you, I don't give a fuck! So either back down or find yourself another network tech ok? I got to doing this job because of my abilities to shoot Zed-Heads right? Not because I sucked off the recruitment advisor!

Hell----Leah shut the------up! Seriously I'm fuck--------of this crap you give me! Mirror shine wasn't my fault ok? What? Wha--------ok you know what? Fuck you and fuck your--------quit from tech support-----wash your fucking hair once in a-----you wouldn't be single every fucking night bothering-------with fucking texts------no I don't want to hear it Le-----go fuck yourself! No one else is going to!
Oh shit, is this still recording?
Ok so now I'm just working as a field agent now, that was my other boss Leah. Fucking bitch had me on speaker phone to try and make me look incompetent in front of the tech-heads. You should have heard them laughing, fucking hilarious!

Anyway so that's resolution #1 done: stop doing jobs you hate.

I guess that leaves me with my other two resolutions left; make peace with my family and stop procrastinating like a little bitch.

I guess the last two are kinda related as when I do the last it might indirectly help with the first.

Anyway, this might seem like a silly post really, not much of a news break or anything, but I thought I'd give you guys a bit of an update and shit, I mean hey: this is what we're fighting for yeah? The ability to lead normal lives without being eaten by giant tentacle beasts?


Anyway, thanks as always and you guys watch out for yourselves; whether your in the trenches like me, or spreaders of truth, just as long as you don't think we're all lizard men Ickeists then we're all good in the hood!


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