Friday, 13 June 2014





So you want to hear about the fire team? Well why didn't you say so?

Oh of course, because you never say [CENSORED] in these sessions.

Ok well before I start, how about you tell me why we don't have a better name? I mean [CENSORED]! Fire Team 879 or whatever piece of [CENSORED] designation we have, is a really boring name! Why not The A-Team?


Omega Force?


Ok, how about The Freedom Phalanx?

Oh come on! Anything's better than our designation! I'd even take The [CENSORED] Superdudes!

No! I can see that look in your eyes! Don't you [CENSORED] think of using that piece of [CENSORED] name!

[CENSORED]! [REDACTED] is going to kill me!

Ok well there's me, your loveable geek, I guess I play the role of the hacker; only with less rollerblades.

No? Ok maybe that film was before your time.

How old are you anyway? I can never tell with you suit dudes.

Ok, so I can hack nearly anything, it's a gift I've always had and something that has helped me get by.

Of course it doesn't end there, I can also read Demonic.

[LAUGHTER] It's funny really, to me it's like reading code, I can almost feel the same parts of my brain flairing up and quietening down, like whatever number the combo of bees and whatever [CENSORED]-job you did on my brain managed to rewire my [CENSORED] so I can read certain coding.

Anyway, I guess I'm just a troubled soul who's intentions are good, yeah? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Oh yeah, and the box, of course I took the box! I mean I wanted to know what the [CENSORED] was in the box! I'm like Tom Cruise man! You can't give me a box and then expect me not to want to know what's in it!

Wait, that wasn't Tom Cruise? [CENSORED]!

So who's next? Well there's emo boy! You know [REDACTED].

I mean I give him [CENSORED], I mean [CENSORED] before he met me he hadn't heard of Google! Who the [CENSORED] hasn't heard of Google?

But truth be told the kid's alright. I mean better than alright. All day I give him [CENSORED] but despite that I know he has my back.

And he can conjure lightning! And a [CENSORED] hammer! The dude's [CENSORED] Thor man!

I guess I'm a little envious of him, I'm only a few years older, but it's like he's got his whole life ahead of him while in a few months time I'll be turning 30!

[CENSORED] man... Thirty! Where's it all go?

I guess you want to hear about Agent [REDACTED] too?

I guess you could say she's my rock in all this. When everything goes to [CENSORED] she's there to make sure I don't fall over.

[LAUGHS] it's funny really. You know a few weeks into our case we had to cross this bridge over some [CENSORED] up crossing to a lighthouse. And this bridge was high, I mean [CENSORED] [CENSORED] your pants high. As you probably know [REDACTED] had a bit of a fear of heights, so I did the gentlemanly thing, I held her hand and slowly crossed the bridge with her.

[LAUGHS] so there we are, crossing that bridge so high you feel like Michelangelo, you know? Like you're touching the finger of god? And I'm holding [REDACTED]'s hand as we cross the bridge, and suddenly I realise that all my cares are gone.

Seriously how messed up is that? All that [CENSORED] is Surrey, the Zed heads in Kingsmouth... [CENSORED] even the million high plunge below us into certain death. It was just [REDACTED] and I, and you know what? It felt... Right.

I guess that doesn't make much sense.


Well anyway, she has abilities that I've never seen before and conjuring green [CENSORED] ain't the half of it!

You know when [REDACTED] and I are at logged heads, testosterone and other pheromones flying every which way, she has the ability to get under your skin, defuse the situation and make two uncooperative boy-men work as a team! If that's not a super power then I don't know what the [CENSORED] is.

Oh the boxes?

Well they both said they took them. I mean why wouldn't they?

Do I trust them?

What sort of [CENSORED] question is that?

[REDACTED]? Do I trust her? Of course I do!

And Emo boy? I don't know yet.

[CENSORED]! That came out wrong!

I mean he's a great team member don't get me wrong, but he has issues, and I can see how easily it might be for those issues to lead you down the wrong path, you know? Making deals that perhaps you shouldn't?

I guess it takes one to know one...

Huh? Oh no... Nothing relevant...


Wednesday, 11 June 2014

A Declaration of Compromised Principles


Hey guys!

So I'm still here rocking the airwaves! Had some bad signal shit going on but I think I threw The Snake off the trail.

You know. The past few days has really gotten me to thinking about things. About what my life was like before, about where it is now and where it's heading.

Shit; if you had asked me only, what? Six months ago? I'd have told you you'd be crazy. That with everything going on I could be happy. Well... Kinda happy anyway.

It's not rocket science. I have something to live for, something to fight for; hell, something to fucking die for!

But... I don't know. I don't know if there's a future there and I need to find out one way or another...

Fuck fuck fuck! I don't know why I'm saying this. I just have to get my thoughts out into the world, and despite being able to face down a black dog and rip out it 'a throat with my own bare hands, I still can't bring myself to do or say this shit in person.

Look... I don't want to make a scene. I don't want to make anything awkward I just need this information out in the great big wide world.

I know I'll probably be re-assigned by The Company for this. A conflict of interest or some shit and if that happens, I promise I'll fight it with everything I can.

But what's the point in saving the world from evil English dudes, Filth ridden Mummies and Malevolent Vamps if you can't do and say as you want... shit no. As you feel?

So today's transmission goes out to a certain person. You know who you are. I just needed to say...

Fuck no that's not right.


Ok let's keep this simple...

I fucking lo

Monday, 9 June 2014

The Atrocities of Man and Horror


Hey guys!

Guess where I am?

That's right I'm at ground zero! Tokyo!

So The Company have given me permission to talk to you about The Filth, on the one condition that I refer to it as The Filth and not the [REDACTED].

But that's not what I'd like to talk to you about today.

Fuck no!


You know it was only yesterday that Agent I made a comment to me, something along the lines of: remember when we were only hunting zombies?

There was wisdom in his words; wisdom I'm not even sure his jar-head, ex-mil brain could really understand.

You see, the dude was right! When I signed on with The Company I was all about killing Zed Heads! It was cathartic for me!

After that we got thrown into the melting pot of Wendigo, Black Dogs, Demons, Mummies, Cultists, Vampires, Werewolves and of course; The Filth.

Recently however all of this has taken a bit of a sideline.

If our job is hunting evil, we've been dealing less and less with the supernatural world and more with the world of man.


Only last night myself, H and I were checking out this place in Tokyo, a civic centre focussed on helping kids overcome their fears...

The Fear Nothing Foundation they call it, or F N F for short.

I can't go into detail right now, I don't think that they know that we know, and frankly I'd quite like to keep it that way.

But this is what I don't understand.

When monsters do it, it makes sense! It's their nature! They don't know any better! Fuck in the case of Zeds they literally don't know any better!

But when people do it?

Shit! You just don't do that shit to kids!

And who the fuck is this John? I mean where did he %|\]{€*%%%%%~?

There's got to be a better explanation than we're getting? People just don't do this sort of shit!

Or maybe they just do? I don't know<^#~||\\\[*^•¥

Wait, did you hear that?

FUCK! I think this line is com pro&&)(;&]{>>+=